Papa Frankie Not As Hateful to the Gays, World Freaks Out

Pope Francis threw the Earth off its axis this weekend when he spoke about gays in terms that were less than hateful.

Returning to Rome on his private jet after a trip to Brazil, Papa Frankie responded to a reporter's question about gay priests, saying “If someone is gay and he searches for the Lord and has good will, who am I to judge?”

The radical pontiff drew a massive crowd of 3 million to Copa Cabana beach, with nary a thong in site.

Predictably, gays around the world are hailing this news as some sort of about face on the Catholic Church's two thousand year old anti-gay doctrine. Just as predictably, the Vatican is working overtime to correct God's infallible messenger on Earth.

The NY Times reports:

Vatican experts were quick to point out that Francis was not suggesting that the priests or anyone else should act on their homosexual tendencies, which the church considers a sin. But the fact that he made such comments — and used the word “gay” — was nevertheless revolutionary, and likely to generate significant discussion in local dioceses, where bishops are divided over whether to accept priests who are gay but celibate.

“It’s not a great opening in terms of contents, but the fact that he talked about it that way is a great novelty,” said Paolo Rodari, a Vatican expert at the Italian daily La Repubblica. Francis would probably agree with Benedict’s writings on homosexuality, he added, “but it doesn’t interest him.”

“It interests him to say that the problem in the end isn’t if someone has this tendency, the important thing is to live in the light of God,” Mr. Rodari said. “Said by a pope, it’s enormous.”

By using the word "gay", the pope has, unwittingly, dragged the church, kicking and screaming, into the pre-Stonewall 1960's. Now that's what I call progress!

But make no mistake. The Vatican is making it clear that it runs the show - not the Pope - and being gay is still a "problem" to be overcome, despite what he has to say about it. Don't expect to see Frankie leading the Vatican City Gay Pride parade in his tricked out Popemobile any time soon.

So keep it in your pants and grovel for forgiveness for being made in the Lord's queer image and you can still be a good Catholic, even a priest. Catholics love a good martyr, so go suffer away, boys and girls. Well, maybe not the girls. You still have no rights in the church and can't be priests, so please continue being subordinate and shut up and sit down.

As for all you gays who aren't Catholic, or have any shred of self respect, you're still going to Hell.

Home